Finding Motivation

Some jobs are just atrocious.  So many people end up quitting jobs when they really need them.  They get treated terribly, are undervalued, uninspired or just hate going there.  When I get home from a job or meeting that doesn't inspire me the rest of my day feels empty.  Some jobs we stick with because we have to.  I'm thankful not all of mine are and most days I am giddy with excitement over interactions with customers or clients.  New big ideas or just changing someone's day.

I may stay at home and feel like death but tomorrow will be better.  Sometimes I can turn around a day, but when I can't it's okay. 

Off to Spoklahoma!

Hopefully I can find internet tonight.  *Fingers crossed*

Live the Life You Want

I was bored and unmotivated.  Last week.  Or for the past few weeks really.  I had one job and too much spare time.

Now I have 4.  Some are more exciting than others, but it is keeping me on my toes.  One should last and keep rent paid for.  Another is for the experience and joy it brings others.  The last 2 are creative, problem solving jobs. 

What inspired this post today was the fact that without having to schedule everything I accomplished so much.  As a child we had every moment scheduled and any free time was wasted watching DBZ or some other show.  As I grow up and become less child like I start realizing that I can live whatever life I like and what that means. 

I want to be busy, so now I am.  I want to work out, so I do.  I want to sleep in, I will.  I want to see friends, I do.  What part of this was complicated before?  I want to see family or get a hold of them, I can.  It may never be what I had in mind, but that doesn't diminish the value.  Tonight, I am going to bed with stiff muscles, an invigorated mind and a happy heart. 

(Maybe I am a sap and today was just amazing, but I'm going to treat today like it was wonderful and believe tomorrow can be too) 

Guilt Sucks

I don't want to go back and redo all the ones I missed.  I'm sorry they aren't hear but my guilt about them not being here has kept me from writing at all.

After some of today's ass kicking workout (which I still need to finish) I got distracting and overwhelmed with inspiration.  Thank you Ken Robinson and swissmiss.  All in all it made me realize anything I want is out there.  Being a skeptic is rather pointless in this case.  I can find a way or find what I'm looking for always.  It may be in an unexpected place, but it's there.  Time to play a little hide and go seek!

The only thing holding me back is myself.  Everything else (like cameras, internet and power) can help, but when they are gone, it is just an excuse to not look.  No one said it would be easy. 

Getting home today, blogpost with pictures to follow. :)

Camera Batteries Died, Pictures to Come

I figured, might as well blog now and add pictures later.  I had them charged this morning, but my camera is evil and they were dead by the time I made it to Starbucks. 

Thursday - No power is useful

I was part of the huge power outage. No computer, no lights and for a time it seemed nothing to do.  But, you know I loved reading by candle light and enjoying silence.  No buzzing machines or music.  It was serene.  In the future I'm turning off all the lights in my place and reading by candle light.  Maybe on porch couch!

Friday - Let your environment inspire

I'm not in love with the ocean.  I never have been.  I was raised going on rivers, not to the beach as much.  A river can capture my attention for hours and I will stay in the water, swimming or on the boat every single day I can.  I was at the beach for 2 days, I didn't even get my toes wet.  Maybe that is regrettable, but not much I can do now.  Anyways, back to the point.  The sound of the ocean and the joy my family had being there was inspiring.  I have some shots of sunset and kids on the beach that are stunning.  Regardless of if I partake in the common joys of an environment, I should be open to be inspired by its uniqueness.  I was. 

Saturday - A smile and good manners get you far

This is simple.  Good manners are always good.  My uncle told me to stay sweet when he left.  Of all the comments to hear that one stuck with me.  I can get easily depressed, but his smile when he told me that reminded me of the joy and beauty of kindness, good manners and a beautiful smile.  A smile can brighten someone's day, so do it.  A lot and be genuine about it. 

Sunday - Art is better in person

I went to the Getty!!!  It was incredible.  I saw a Van Goph in person.  I was transfixed.  So much incredible art.  I fear sometimes I devalue going out and seeing art in person.  Not that Moscow has much in terms of museums, but when I travel I plan to go to many more.  The feeling I left with was an awe of how brave these artist were.  You could see it in the colors, the material and the strokes they took.  I wish I was that fearless.  I think I need a bigger canvas!

Monday - Some things are worth the risk

This was inspired by risking getting sick for a hug.  Hugging this person was worth the risk.  Thankfully this applies to so much more than that.  Risks and leaps are good for you.  That is the kind of stupid I'm okay being.  I might get sick or fail but I'm going to run full force into that wall and enjoy it.  I might end up on the floor with a bruise and concussion or break through, that's the fun.  Little risk leads to little change.  When I talked about my future and my dreams I became self conscious.  They wanted to know about how certain my options were.  I'm not certain at all.  I just have big dreams and hopes and hopefully enough courage.  Make it work I guess when it fails.  If I never try I may never succeed.  Go big!

Today!!!

"Now that we know, it's time for change.  Negligence starts tomorrow."

People think that once we know it is time for a change that change will occur.  I wish.   In so many cases negligence has taken over.  The ignorant are still fighting over if change is needed.  The rest are sitting there negligent.  I feel ashamed when I think about this.  I'm one of them.  We all are a little.  We think we are powerless to cause big change and that change must be slow.  This is a load of bullshit and leads to the intergenerational tyranny.  We can do better.  I want to the next J. Harlen Bretz.  It must be this way and it has always been this way is poor reasoning to keep anything that way.  I refuse to push an idea into a preconceived notion of what should be just because the majority is comfy. 

Yes.  I'm feisty. 

Sorry.

California has not been good for my blogging. 

I have been deep in thought but any things I need to remember are personal and not really design related.  Yay family.  I wish I had something insightful and profound to share.  If I could express what I feel articulately and if I could fit it on my hand it would be here now.  I'll think long and hard tonight, but I fear until I get my mind together and focused my palm will stay clean.

Sorry.

What NOT to do = guilt management & placebo

Cool concept to tell you about before i forget tonight. Intergenerational remote tyranny. I'll explain more when i have power.

I am writing this blog by candle light... This power outage is not my idea of a good time, but it gives me time to read, reflect and relax. Or go to bed early.

There is a Time to be Impulsive

I can be very impulsive sometimes.  I find something I love, and idea or pair of shoes and I hold on for dear life.  Sometimes holding off is good.  Pay $200 for a dress or pay rent?  Shouldn't be a choice.  Today while enjoying California I'll need to remember to wait or say no.  (Which I did)  Not like they care all that much anyways.  Another idea will come, another dress will be even better.  Wait.  There are better things to be impulsive on. 

Like plane tickets to Europe!  (One day I will, I know I will.)

Hello from Cali!

Okay, these are in the wrong order, but I don't remember things in the correct order so who cares!

This one came from a brilliant man who drove the shuttle I took to my Babushka's.  I gladly let this gentleman take another man home first so I could talk to him longer.  Afterwards I got his business card and may meet up with him to see San Diego and have lunch with him.  We talked about politics, football, travel, family, accounting and so many other things.  The part that stuck with me most was his urging me to go see the world.  Grab Jonny and go travel!!  I reassured him I'm not the kind of girl who wants to stay in one place, so it may not happen soon, but it will.  It also made me think about my other interests.  Anthropology, classical Russian ballet, Russian architecture, languages, geology and so on.  Just because I have one degree, it doesn't mean I'm even remotely done.  If I could afford it I would keep taking classes.  One day I will.

The second one came to me while reading Cradle to Cradle.  It was about nature.  How nature won't endlessly regenerate but isn't the enemy either.  Why do we push the extremes so often?  I guess it makes things easier, but that doesn't make them better.  Embrace the difficulties.  It makes life interesting.

The 3rd one also came from Cradle to Cradle.  Once again I'm complaining about change.  Change is just that, change.  It will be uncomfortable.  Cope.  Please welcome something different, it is normally something better.  Then again, if not, we can change it again.  (Evil cackle)

The forth was actually the first.  I forgot to photograph this one Friday night.  Things may start out amazing, and end up poorly.  Make the best of it.  There are rough days and weeks and even months or years.  The man I met in the shuttle said he hasn't had a bad day in years.  He won't let himself.  I don't think I'm that strong, but I can try to make everyday a little better.  There is always hope and something I can do.  If I don't think there is I'm not trying or thinking hard enough.


Lastly, being present with life and myself is one of the greatest things I can do for myself.  Even if it is only for a few minutes before bed, or in the shower I need to slow down and meditate more.  I have more control over myself and my emotions than I give myself credit.  So just slow down and breathe.  It also helps to turn off the damn cellphone a few minutes a day too.  Still, I'll just take things slowly and see how it goes.  California, you are my experiment.  3 days down, 8 to go.

(Moscow, I miss you terribly.)

Shame on me.

I keep writing things down but forgetting to photograph them... Tomorrow my hand will be covered! By the way, i miss both my followers so much. <3

Photos on Hiatus Maybe

During the next 2 weeks a few blogs may arrive this way. I'll be in california and may not have internet. Photos will be added as soon as I get internet.

Plans... More or Less

I'm bad at doing things in just the right amount.  I can either do everything or nothing.  However, I love plans and lists!  Once again I either have pages of lists or won't touch a list for days.  There are times when I love to leave my day completely open and just wing it.  Those days can be just as productive as my list days. 

So here is my plan, have an adventure and go about my day unplanned.  The requirement being have an adventure.  The other option being make a list and do damn near everything on it. 

If I don't I'll waste my days watching movies and feeling guilty for not working.  Anyone who knows me (aka my 2 followers) knows that is how I spend most of my days. 

Shut Up And Be Thankful!

Today I hurt my neck really badly and have barely been able to move all day.  Any yet today has been remarkable.  I'm giddy and happy and stupidly thankful.  Things are rough on a lot of fronts, but I need to stop ignoring all the fantastic things I have.