Get Outside

I've spent almost the entire day out exploring and running errands. It feels great to just leave the house sometimes. With zero air conditioning moving feels unbearable but just leaving makes a difference.

Take a walk, go for a run or do the things you've been avoiding. You'll feel better.

Gotta do, what you gotta do.

In a conversation today about how your mood can effect others this phrase came up. I naturally ignore fake it till you make it, but in terms of mood this was awesome. When I make myself smile and cheery I often get happier. Dancing around to happy music usually cheers me up to. Just as changing your walk can change your mood, so can a lot of other activities.

The same applies to negative emotions, but I don't want to fake anger till I'm actually angry at work. No thank you.

As silly as it sounds I like tricking myself into feeling better. I smiled more yesterday, it helped. I want my joy, excitement and passion to be infectious. Not my frustrations. Also helps to work some place I love.

No one is awesome at everything.

Some natural behaviors don't help you succeed at work. Vague, but true. Sometimes coaching to change those behaviors can make you defensive.

No one is awesome at everything. Admit you suck at doing it a certain way. Try and be aware of it so you don't slip back into that behavior and work at it every chance you get! Improving those skills will help you succeed. You want to and if people are coaching you, they want you to as well.

Wait for it.... NOW!

Somethings take forever to happen, some too fast.  But when they arrive, go with it.  I can't force the perfect apartment to appear, or job or anything.  I'd rather do it right than rush.  Or worse watch it pass you by. 

I don't know what else to say without rambling.  Sometimes you have to wait.  Keep an eye open for the right moment or idea. 

What a crazy week!

This will be a bit of a long post, a lot to catch up on.  But I've got energy, tea and Doritos, let's do this. 

Wednesday I went to work and trained which was lovely, but I checked my email after and learned I got into grad school.  Or half at least.  (Dual Program)  I don't think I stopped squeaking.  Mouth moved for a bit, but I don't think I got anything out besides "Oh my god..."  What an honor.  I still need to get into the other half and try and get aid, but knowing they saw the potential was astounding.  So, the first one.  Don't be scared when your dreams come true.  When you do what you love, your dreams will come true, just don't be scared when it actually happens.  It's okay. 


Be thankful for every kindness.  When you are fortunate enough to be around amazing, kind people who treat you well or give you gifts be thankful. Don't expect it, or demand it, but when it happens be in the moment, love it and be thankful.  But from the big to the little they are all important and special.  Gifts, phone calls, a hug, anything.

When an adventure comes knocking, say yes!!  Let's go see a live blues band at an amazing blues club.  Say yes.  Opportunities aren't always there, so take a chance, try it.  Being tired, cranky, pmsing and lazy aren't good enough excuses to skip out on life's great adventures and moments.  Sometimes it might suck, it isn't a good enough reason to not try.  Don't say no to adventures!

Being a grown up isn't a good reason to stop all childish things.  They were amazing then and some should not be left in the past.  Two nights ago I went to a playground and got on the swings.  I missed that so much.  A group of us just played like kids.  Not damaging anything or being reckless but just enjoying playing.  That innocence and joy.  Often times grownups are penalized for playing with children's toys, but we need that reckless, unbridled fun.  Go out and play!


Love often and a lot!  Yesterday I went to a few of my friend's high school graduation.  Pomp and circumstance makes me a little bitter, and it is often really hot and icky.  Still, I loved those graduates and seeing the love the crowd had for each graduate was overwhelming.  We went to dinner and toast after toast was so full of love.  Life is better that way.  Don't be stingy with your love.

Anyways, I'm going to get away from my computer and find some inspiration for today's post.  Though I am so glad to catch up on here.

Inspired by workisnotajob

Okay, I spent so many hours on workisnotajob yesterday.  When I moved to Chicago I chose to work for a company I love, and use the spare time I might get from not working a regular 9-5 job to do projects I am passionate about.  I may not get as much, but I cannot believe how good I feel being excited to go to my job.  How thankful I am and proud to be a part of this company. 

I lucked out with a company that the more you learn about it the more you love it.  In my spare time I can enjoy myself or delve into other work I love.  I'm happier with a job I love, than a job that pays well.  Maybe if I can move up in the company I can have both, but right now I'm just happy being a part of a great company.

My work is not a job.  It is my passion, and I am thankful everyday I chose to do this instead of getting lots of money at a job I did not love.

It reminds me of the film Lemonade.  See it if you ever get the chance.

Starting all over again

So I faded into nothingness on here.  Moved back in with my mom and then moved to Chicago a month later.  Been an exciting few months for sure.

I'm starting over and starting again.  To do that, especially for me, like any idea you let go of you need to forgive yourself and anyone who still gives you pain.  Forgive, accept and move on!  There is no point carrying the pain of failed projects, lost loves and dreams.

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you leave the guilt behind, accept the good, the bad and the choices you've made.

Being a loner.

I was once told if you were academically gifted or bright, chances were good you would be lonely most of your life.  You wouldn't be understood, you wouldn't fit in.  That being said, that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or the people who don't understand you.

If you are lucky there will be a handful of people in your life that will understand you.  A handful.  That is disturbingly few, but also a lot in a way.  That doesn't make much sense, but I am prone to ramble.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I'm okay with that.  The freedom that comes with knowing you will not be fully understood or accepted by almost everyone you ever meet really let me stop caring about pleasing everyone.  I am less prone to apologize to everyone.  Hide myself from everyone.   If I am really lucky 3-5 people will get me.  Then I have my monkeysphere.  Then every one else.

That knowledge, that I will be lonely for most of my life in one way or another was the most freeing thing I've heard in 23 years.

Give me an adventure!

I can't look to other people for the excitement I want in my life.  That being said I need to get better in expressing what I want (or finding it, which is a whole other problem) or going out and doing such activities.  There may not be much to do on the Palouse, but there is more than Netflix and video games.  Time to get off my lazy bum and do the things that make me a happier person.

40 hours a week of work isn't a reason to not go dancing or do a photoshoot.  Even if I have no client, even if all the photos or music is total crap.  My bike being electric is no reason to not go on a bike ride.  My livingroom being small and my only place to work out is no reason for me not to work out.  My friends being busy and having lives is no reason to not go out and do the things I would want to do if they were with me.  (Though, it is seriously better with them)  My boyfriend being amazing to cuddle with is almost a reason to sleep till noon in his arms, but not all the time.  My apartment being a mess is no reason to curl up and ignore it for days at a time.  My blog being empty is no reason to not write something.  Facebook is not a good reason for anything.

It's amazing how easy I can become a hermit.  Every single time I actually do the things I love, I am happier for it.  We all have days or curling up and ignoring the world, but that can't be everyday.  To quote a musical.

Some people can be content
playing bingo and paying rent.
That's peachy for some people,
for some hum-drum people to be,
but some people ain't me!

PS.  This is more personal than most, so I apologize for that.  But this really is something I needed to write down and remember.  Maybe it well help someone other than me too, maybe not.

I miss you.

It's been too long and I apologize.  I started work at Macy's and it killed my energy and enthusiasm to read, charge camera batteries and post something insightful. I'm slowly getting back to life.  I just lost my retail muscles. 

Jonny, my boyfriend wrote something on my hand a few days ago.  It was a heart with a J in it.  It made me think of Proceleusmatic.  I know it is sappy, but it summed up a lot of things.  Sometimes life/design can be that simple.  Those moments when things get that simple it's kinda of scary or really beautiful. 

I wish I knew the words to express those moments. 

Till then.  I'm just going to enjoy it.  I'll post when I can.  Miss you.

Don't be the Frog

You know?  The one that slowly boils to death.  Being afraid of change can force us to normalize our environment.  Everywhere we face excuses, a lack of money and paranoia.  I'd rather make a big change and an investment than slowly fall behind and die.  I don't care if this isn't "realistic" to some, I'd rather have big dreams than die afraid of change.

Finding Motivation

Some jobs are just atrocious.  So many people end up quitting jobs when they really need them.  They get treated terribly, are undervalued, uninspired or just hate going there.  When I get home from a job or meeting that doesn't inspire me the rest of my day feels empty.  Some jobs we stick with because we have to.  I'm thankful not all of mine are and most days I am giddy with excitement over interactions with customers or clients.  New big ideas or just changing someone's day.

I may stay at home and feel like death but tomorrow will be better.  Sometimes I can turn around a day, but when I can't it's okay. 

Live the Life You Want

I was bored and unmotivated.  Last week.  Or for the past few weeks really.  I had one job and too much spare time.

Now I have 4.  Some are more exciting than others, but it is keeping me on my toes.  One should last and keep rent paid for.  Another is for the experience and joy it brings others.  The last 2 are creative, problem solving jobs. 

What inspired this post today was the fact that without having to schedule everything I accomplished so much.  As a child we had every moment scheduled and any free time was wasted watching DBZ or some other show.  As I grow up and become less child like I start realizing that I can live whatever life I like and what that means. 

I want to be busy, so now I am.  I want to work out, so I do.  I want to sleep in, I will.  I want to see friends, I do.  What part of this was complicated before?  I want to see family or get a hold of them, I can.  It may never be what I had in mind, but that doesn't diminish the value.  Tonight, I am going to bed with stiff muscles, an invigorated mind and a happy heart. 

(Maybe I am a sap and today was just amazing, but I'm going to treat today like it was wonderful and believe tomorrow can be too) 

Camera Batteries Died, Pictures to Come

I figured, might as well blog now and add pictures later.  I had them charged this morning, but my camera is evil and they were dead by the time I made it to Starbucks. 

Thursday - No power is useful

I was part of the huge power outage. No computer, no lights and for a time it seemed nothing to do.  But, you know I loved reading by candle light and enjoying silence.  No buzzing machines or music.  It was serene.  In the future I'm turning off all the lights in my place and reading by candle light.  Maybe on porch couch!

Friday - Let your environment inspire

I'm not in love with the ocean.  I never have been.  I was raised going on rivers, not to the beach as much.  A river can capture my attention for hours and I will stay in the water, swimming or on the boat every single day I can.  I was at the beach for 2 days, I didn't even get my toes wet.  Maybe that is regrettable, but not much I can do now.  Anyways, back to the point.  The sound of the ocean and the joy my family had being there was inspiring.  I have some shots of sunset and kids on the beach that are stunning.  Regardless of if I partake in the common joys of an environment, I should be open to be inspired by its uniqueness.  I was. 

Saturday - A smile and good manners get you far

This is simple.  Good manners are always good.  My uncle told me to stay sweet when he left.  Of all the comments to hear that one stuck with me.  I can get easily depressed, but his smile when he told me that reminded me of the joy and beauty of kindness, good manners and a beautiful smile.  A smile can brighten someone's day, so do it.  A lot and be genuine about it. 

Sunday - Art is better in person

I went to the Getty!!!  It was incredible.  I saw a Van Goph in person.  I was transfixed.  So much incredible art.  I fear sometimes I devalue going out and seeing art in person.  Not that Moscow has much in terms of museums, but when I travel I plan to go to many more.  The feeling I left with was an awe of how brave these artist were.  You could see it in the colors, the material and the strokes they took.  I wish I was that fearless.  I think I need a bigger canvas!

Monday - Some things are worth the risk

This was inspired by risking getting sick for a hug.  Hugging this person was worth the risk.  Thankfully this applies to so much more than that.  Risks and leaps are good for you.  That is the kind of stupid I'm okay being.  I might get sick or fail but I'm going to run full force into that wall and enjoy it.  I might end up on the floor with a bruise and concussion or break through, that's the fun.  Little risk leads to little change.  When I talked about my future and my dreams I became self conscious.  They wanted to know about how certain my options were.  I'm not certain at all.  I just have big dreams and hopes and hopefully enough courage.  Make it work I guess when it fails.  If I never try I may never succeed.  Go big!

Today!!!

"Now that we know, it's time for change.  Negligence starts tomorrow."

People think that once we know it is time for a change that change will occur.  I wish.   In so many cases negligence has taken over.  The ignorant are still fighting over if change is needed.  The rest are sitting there negligent.  I feel ashamed when I think about this.  I'm one of them.  We all are a little.  We think we are powerless to cause big change and that change must be slow.  This is a load of bullshit and leads to the intergenerational tyranny.  We can do better.  I want to the next J. Harlen Bretz.  It must be this way and it has always been this way is poor reasoning to keep anything that way.  I refuse to push an idea into a preconceived notion of what should be just because the majority is comfy. 

Yes.  I'm feisty. 

There is a Time to be Impulsive

I can be very impulsive sometimes.  I find something I love, and idea or pair of shoes and I hold on for dear life.  Sometimes holding off is good.  Pay $200 for a dress or pay rent?  Shouldn't be a choice.  Today while enjoying California I'll need to remember to wait or say no.  (Which I did)  Not like they care all that much anyways.  Another idea will come, another dress will be even better.  Wait.  There are better things to be impulsive on. 

Like plane tickets to Europe!  (One day I will, I know I will.)

Hello from Cali!

Okay, these are in the wrong order, but I don't remember things in the correct order so who cares!

This one came from a brilliant man who drove the shuttle I took to my Babushka's.  I gladly let this gentleman take another man home first so I could talk to him longer.  Afterwards I got his business card and may meet up with him to see San Diego and have lunch with him.  We talked about politics, football, travel, family, accounting and so many other things.  The part that stuck with me most was his urging me to go see the world.  Grab Jonny and go travel!!  I reassured him I'm not the kind of girl who wants to stay in one place, so it may not happen soon, but it will.  It also made me think about my other interests.  Anthropology, classical Russian ballet, Russian architecture, languages, geology and so on.  Just because I have one degree, it doesn't mean I'm even remotely done.  If I could afford it I would keep taking classes.  One day I will.

The second one came to me while reading Cradle to Cradle.  It was about nature.  How nature won't endlessly regenerate but isn't the enemy either.  Why do we push the extremes so often?  I guess it makes things easier, but that doesn't make them better.  Embrace the difficulties.  It makes life interesting.

The 3rd one also came from Cradle to Cradle.  Once again I'm complaining about change.  Change is just that, change.  It will be uncomfortable.  Cope.  Please welcome something different, it is normally something better.  Then again, if not, we can change it again.  (Evil cackle)

The forth was actually the first.  I forgot to photograph this one Friday night.  Things may start out amazing, and end up poorly.  Make the best of it.  There are rough days and weeks and even months or years.  The man I met in the shuttle said he hasn't had a bad day in years.  He won't let himself.  I don't think I'm that strong, but I can try to make everyday a little better.  There is always hope and something I can do.  If I don't think there is I'm not trying or thinking hard enough.


Lastly, being present with life and myself is one of the greatest things I can do for myself.  Even if it is only for a few minutes before bed, or in the shower I need to slow down and meditate more.  I have more control over myself and my emotions than I give myself credit.  So just slow down and breathe.  It also helps to turn off the damn cellphone a few minutes a day too.  Still, I'll just take things slowly and see how it goes.  California, you are my experiment.  3 days down, 8 to go.

(Moscow, I miss you terribly.)